Jaded Gypsy Rose

let-us-taco-bout-it:

📸: thelasvegasfoodie

Get in my belly!!!!

sunsetquotes:

“You are a minute of quiet in a loud shouting world.”

— Gabriel Gadfly

I have a really hard time making friends and everyone in my past I thought was my friend really wasn’t. They were using me for something or just acting like it cause they felt bad for me. I’m so terrified that the people I consider to be my friends now really don’t consider me as one of their friends if that makes sense. I’ve been alone most of my life. When I was younger I was always grounded for months at a time and even a whole year that if you tallied it up it would come up to about 7.5 yrs. I never had sleepovers and was never invited to any. No boys liked me and girls thought I was fat and weird. I never learned how to interact with people because I was abused verbally and mentally for so so long that I never thought anything of myself. I feel small and insignificant and worthless. I think my personality is good but not good enough to have friends. Every friend I’ve had has stabbed me in the back in some hurtful way or died. The friends I’ve made over the years have slowly vanished. Like I have Alicia and Cathy but even they have families to worry about and can’t always hang out or be there for me even through texts. My friend Anna is really the only true friend I have that knows me for me and my bad side that hasn’t gotten fed up with me or pulled away. I’m so grateful for that, but sometimes I still feel so alone. I mean those times I was grounded I was alone in an all white room with two toy chests, a bed, a bookshelf, an antique vanity, a dresser and a bean bag chair. I wasn’t allowed to have a radio, tv, earrings, dresses, skirts, makeup, pictures on my walls or color or draw or have long hair. I only had stuffed animals, barbies and my clothes, bed and brother’s hand me downs.

Today I felt very small when I was informed a co-worker didn’t like me because I’m bubbly. I’m social and bubbly because if anyone really knew how sad or hurt I was I don’t think they would want to be my friend. It’d be another case of someone feeling sorry for me.

Cody was my friend before we dated and he started spending time with me because he saw how lonely and sad I was. Isn’t that sad?? Once he got to know me he fell in love with me because I let him in my dark place and all he wanted to do was bring it some light. It’s been six years of him bringing light in little by little and I still find myself feeling like this sad insignificant lonely little girl at times. It’s hard and I want to cry. I just wish someone would see the good in me and realize I can be a really good friend. Someone? Anyone? Please be my friend. 😢💔